If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
