Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she woke up with a sticky ear
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
