great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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