Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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