I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
