Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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