Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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