and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
