My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
