five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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