and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
