I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
