Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
