Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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