well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
