Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
