So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
