If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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