I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
