Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
