I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
