everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
