Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
