People with herpes should wear stickers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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