I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
