dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
