how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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