I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
