babies were throwing up all over the place
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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