it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
