FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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