Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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