I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
