I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
