i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
