why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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