is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
