This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
