Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
