toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
