She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
