don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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