Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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