I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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