Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
