just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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