My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
