Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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