You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
