So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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