I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
