I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
