My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
