2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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