Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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