he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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