So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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