At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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