All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
