His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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