so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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