I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
