Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm both gender and math confused
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
