3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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