just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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