morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
