third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
